Dye For Me!
by BuffaloSatan
Summary: A short story about what happens when Gekkoukan administration finally realizes how many of their students have ridiculous hair colors. Absolute crack. Characters: Minato Arisato, Akihiko Sanada, Mitsuru Kirijo, Yukari Takeba, Fuuka Yamagishi


Minato sat in the principal's office, music rising and falling in his ears as Yukari shot him worried glances from the chair next to his.

"You shouldn't have said anything," he told her calmly, not reprovingly.

"I guess it's too late now, isn't it?" She cracked a small smile.

Minato nodded. Yukari's hair was brown. _She_ had nothing to worry about.

Finally, after what felt like hours of waiting, the principal entered his office and briefly nodded to the both of them before sitting at his desk and peering over his steepled fingers at the strange duo.

"So," he began, "do you have anything to say for yourselves?"

Yukari shook her head and Minato shrugged.

"You are aware, Arisato, that you are in violation of our school's dress code?"

Minato's eyes creased, and he shook his head.

"I told you," he began, "I don't dye my hair."

"Son, your hair is blue."

"And?" Minato's gaze was unwavering.

Yukari took this opportunity to pipe up. "His hair _isn't_ dyed, sir—"

"Takeba, his hair is blue. _Blue_. How do you explain tha—"

"What about Sanada-senpai? His hair is _white_. He's a senior in high school, not a senior citizen. How do you explain that?"

Minato raised an eyebrow at her. "You realize you totally just sold out a good friend of ours."

Yukari looked stricken.

Five minutes later, Akihiko was there, looking nonplussed.

"Yes sir?" he ventured, as he opened the door. When he saw some of his fellow SEES members there, he froze. Had someone spoken up about any unusual behavior on their part? What could this mean for SEES? He looked back to the principal, waiting.

"We are here to discuss," he began, pausing for long enough to torture Akihiko, "your hair color."

"My _what_?"

He looked to the others for confirmation. Their grim faces told him all he needed to know. This was getting surreal.

"Okay," the star boxer said. "What about it?"

"You understand it is in direct violation of the school's dress code to dye your hair."

"Okay."

The principal blinked. "What?"

"I don't know how you knew, but I was planning to dye my hair soon. I'm sick of it being white, like I'm an old man. No offense."

"Are you honestly trying to tell me your hair _isn't_ dyed now?"

Now it was Akihiko's turn to look surprised. "Sir? My hair has always been like this."

"I'm just trying to solve the hair color problem this school is facing. Nothing more," said the principal, "nothing less."

"Then why isn't Fuuka in here, hm? Yamagishi?" Her eyes immediately bugged out when she realized she had totally thrown her friend under the bus. Again. "Wait, I- I mean—" Akihiko sighed and shook his head.

"Ah, thank you for reminding me. I thought there was someone I had missed."

At this point, even Minato was exasperated. Head in his hands, he mumbled out a "Yukari, _please_ stop talking," and she promptly shut up. For once.

Minutes later, SEES's own battle support, looking as serially nonplussed as the others in the room, entered confusedly.

"Might you like to kindly explain to us all why your hair is _green_, Miss Yamagishi?"

The girl looked horrified. "How did you know about that?"

Now the principal was just confused. "I can see it on your head, miss."

"It— it was horrible." The summoner shuddered before continuing. "It's been like this ever since that ...terrifying baking accident."

Minato was nonplussed. "I knew you were bad at cooking, Fuuka, but really?"

She nodded, tears beginning to form at the edges of her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. If it makes you feel any better, you look great with your hair this way." Unbidden, Minato's brain added: "_But a _baking_ accident? I mean, come on now. What?_", but wisely didn't voice it's opinions aloud.

"She most certainly does _not_ look good!" the principal shouted, banging his fist on his desk for emphasis. He didn't realize his mistake until Fuuka began crying in earnest.

"Uh, er, I mean—"

In the ensuing confusion, Akihiko quickly pulled out his phone and texted Mitsuru.

_Help. Principal crazy b/c hair color. Minato, Fuuka, Me, Yukari. SOS._

Minato caught a glimpse of his senpai's phone as he typed and flashed him a rare, grateful smile, which Akihiko quietly returned. No one noticed the interchange, and by the time everything had settled down, help was on the way.

The door burst open with a bang and five heads spun towards the sound of a motorcycle engine being turned off.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"Kirijo-san! I was just..."

"Interrogating these innocent students? For lack of a better word, sir, I must say I am shocked at your lack of professionalism."

Minato snorted. Even the principal of Gekkoukan High could not escape from under the great power of Kirijo. Then again, her family did own the place.

Minato glanced at Yukari, who was breathing deeply.

"Now, see here! I have a perfectly good reason to have called them in here. Their dyed hair is in blatant disregard of the school's dress code."

"I have taken the liberty to question them on the subject already, Mr. Principal. I do share a dorm with them, after all. The explanations they have already given you should have been more than sufficient."

The principal just quivered in his seat.

"Shall I gather the proof myself, once again? Very well," the empress continued.

Mitsuru turned her glare, softened, to Fuuka. "Well?"

"B-baking accident."

The redhead looked to Akihiko.

"It's genetic," he said. "My— my mom had silver hair."

And lastly, flowing auburn locks were tossed aside as Mitsuru looked at Minato, who told her calmly before her eyes had time to ask, "It's a vitamin deficiency. Congenital."

Mitsuru nodded and turned her stare, considerably frostier, back to the principal.

"Is there anything you have to say for yourself?"

The principal just gulped.

Akihiko quickly stood. "I think we should all just wait outside."

The door barely closed behind them before the air went frigid and the principal's agonized shriek echoed down the halls of Gekkoukan high.

Minato flipped his hair out of his eyes and went back to class.

Yukari chose to wait with Akihiko for Mitsuru to emerge. The brunette bowed deeply upon the redhead's return.

"Thank you so much Kirijo-san! But..."

And here Yukari glanced up at Mitsuru's momentarily confused eyes.

"...don't you dye _your_ hair?"

SEES did not venture into Tartarus that night.


End file.
